I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
