areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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