how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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