I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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