whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
