My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
