I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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