Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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