Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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