Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
