I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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