Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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