i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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