wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
