I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
