I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
