ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
