White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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