I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
