Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
