Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
