i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
