he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
