it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
