what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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