For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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