How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
