wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
