Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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