if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize