Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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