i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
