we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
