and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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