loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
