My brain says no but my pants say off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
