new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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