your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
