Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
