pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
