I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
