I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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