I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize