i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
