I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
