Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
