I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
