therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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