Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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