Kiss
Puke
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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