areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
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he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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