Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
