a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
