omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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