On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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