Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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