He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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