I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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