party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
