dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
