Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
