we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You may now shotgun with the bride
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
