I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
