two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You made out with two different species that night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
