i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
