Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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