I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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