If i come over, it means nothing
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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