Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
