put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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