He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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