I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
