You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
