just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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