Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
