I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
