I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The Olympian is in my bed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
