I'm eating all of the evidence.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
