oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
