if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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