I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
