oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
