still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
this hospital has no fireball
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
