I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want a musical about memes.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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