your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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