My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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